Sunday, November 30, 2008

Affirmation

I had my first booksigning at a bookstore yesterday. Quite a momentous occasion. I was nervous and anxious and feeling very vulnerable. But I knew I would see people from my church and I would feel better.
Well, it didn't exactly happen that way. I only saw one couple from my church. I was quite hurt and disappointed. And surprised really. I know it was a holiday weekend. But the booksigning was at the mall!! A lot of people were Christmas shopping. Was no one from the church shopping?
All I could think of was this - "Jesus said to them, "A prophet is not without honor except in his native place and among his own kin and in his own house." Mark 6:4
Sigh.
Of course, I was really bummed out by this. After all, I am an incest survivor and I have low self esteem and that means I am extremely sensitive to others' actions and reactions to me. Or the lack thereof.
However, God helped me to see that there were 2 gifts that came from this. First of all, I learned that I must be sure to pay attention to those around me and to what is going on in their lives. And if nothing else, to give verbal support to them. That is all any of us really want, or need, after all. A little support. A little affirmation. To not feel invisible.
The other gift was that another person I know did show up. And bought a book even though I had already given him one. He is not from my church and has only been an acquaintance of mine for a short time. He showed up with his wife and kids and asked me how things were going. Those few words and those few minutes meant the world to me. And I realized I had a new friend.
So there were some blessings. And this Advent, I pray that I learn that the only affirmation I ever really need is from Jesus.

5 comments:

PRAYER GIRL said...

Letting you know I noticed you are following my blog. This is my welcome to you.

Good luck on your book.

My blogging, any writing I do, anyone I may help, I try to leave "everything" in God's hands. I let Him do the directing as much as possible. It always turns out best that way.

Prayer Girl

Colleen said...

Prayer Girl,
Thank you for your comment and your welcome.
I do try to remember to leave everything in God's hands. But I tend to take it all back again. Seems to go back and forth a lot. It is that trust issue.
I like your blog.
Blessings!

April_optimist said...

Booksignings. Oh, the stories we writers can tell about booksignings. The people who don't show up we thought would--or who do but still don't buy a book! The people who want to know where the bathrooms are or teenage boys who want to know how to get their science fiction published. I finally learned to put up a sign with my picture that said I was the author signing my books because otherwise people really didn't know.

Anyway, much sympathy. It happens to every published author I know--at least the ones who aren't on the best seller lists. The fame of being published is NOT what it's cracked up to be!

Colleen said...

April_Optimist
Thank you for your comemtn. I appreciate your sympathy and also learning that I am not alone! Blessings!

Cheri said...

Your frist book signing!! Congratulations! I can understand your disappointment for sure. But I like how you dealt with it as well....reminding yourself to keep your focus on those that did arrive. I want you to know that if I lived your area..I would of made a point of showing up! I'm still reading your book as well....I'm taking two classes now..so a little pressed for time. As soon as I finish it I'll remember to let you know!

My heart goes out to you as well..as far as the vulnerability you felt.....you just keep putting yourself out there taking big and little steps it seems. This is all very brave.