I had my first booksigning at a bookstore yesterday. Quite a momentous occasion. I was nervous and anxious and feeling very vulnerable. But I knew I would see people from my church and I would feel better.
Well, it didn't exactly happen that way. I only saw one couple from my church. I was quite hurt and disappointed. And surprised really. I know it was a holiday weekend. But the booksigning was at the mall!! A lot of people were Christmas shopping. Was no one from the church shopping?
All I could think of was this - "Jesus said to them, "A prophet is not without honor except in his native place and among his own kin and in his own house." Mark 6:4
Of course, I was really bummed out by this. After all, I am an incest survivor and I have low self esteem and that means I am extremely sensitive to others' actions and reactions to me. Or the lack thereof.
However, God helped me to see that there were 2 gifts that came from this. First of all, I learned that I must be sure to pay attention to those around me and to what is going on in their lives. And if nothing else, to give verbal support to them. That is all any of us really want, or need, after all. A little support. A little affirmation. To not feel invisible.
The other gift was that another person I know did show up. And bought a book even though I had already given him one. He is not from my church and has only been an acquaintance of mine for a short time. He showed up with his wife and kids and asked me how things were going. Those few words and those few minutes meant the world to me. And I realized I had a new friend.
So there were some blessings. And this Advent, I pray that I learn that the only affirmation I ever really need is from Jesus.