Friday, November 14, 2008

Just Thinking

I have been thinking about my father. He was my abuser. I am in touch with him from time to time. I am feeling sorry for him lately. Compassion for him I guess you would call it. I don't know what he thinks about or what he feels. But I wonder if he is happy at all. I don't think so. I have forgiven him but I cannot seem to be able to spend time with him at all. He lives far away so that is ok. And I think I like it like that. But then I feel guilty. Why do I do this to myself?


mile191 said...

why do you do the guilt? i wonder if that is what you are asking.

as far as not being able to be with your father after forgiving him i would say that just because you forgive, doesn't mean you forget. I know that religion tells us forgive and forget, but i KNOW that is for those who haven't been scarred by horrific abuse.

yes, forgiving brings healing, but forgetting would just put you back where you were before the forgiving, vulnerable.

i like your blog. you have published your book. i will have to check it out. i too wrote a book. i haven't the courage to publish.

i am just sharing bits of it for now. maybe it will bring me healing.

thanks. i will read on.

Colleen said...

Thank you for your comments on my posts and for following me.
It took me 6 years to get up the courage to publish my book and still, I was scared to death. I still get scared to death sometimes.
You do have courage. Sharing even just a little bit, on a blog or in a comment, takes courage. And I thank you.

Cheri said...

I seem to be finding a lot I can relate to on your blog today! I do this very same thing with my parents! There are times when I feel so much compassion for them...and other times where I still feel anger if I allow myself to think about the past....and much of it has never resolved. I have moved you have...but it is still complicated at times isn't it?

Colleen said...

Thanks Cheri. Yes, We seem to react to certain things in the same way. And yes, it does all get so complicated at times. Just when I think I have my act together, I am reminded that I don't.