I have been thinking about my father. He was my abuser. I am in touch with him from time to time. I am feeling sorry for him lately. Compassion for him I guess you would call it. I don't know what he thinks about or what he feels. But I wonder if he is happy at all. I don't think so. I have forgiven him but I cannot seem to be able to spend time with him at all. He lives far away so that is ok. And I think I like it like that. But then I feel guilty. Why do I do this to myself?