My father wrote me a letter. In it he apologized for abusing me. He really apologized. I think he meant it. I was surprised and thankful. I really think he is sorry for what he did to me. I am not sure he understands the depth of the pain and the damage he caused. But then who does understand?
But something has not changed. He still wants to keep the secret from other family members. I am all about being open now. He is all about being closed up, protecting himself. I guess I understand why he feels that way. But still, the Secret is poison.
So we still live in 2 different worlds. Because I don’t keep secrets any more. I can’t. I won't. I have to speak the Truth.
And so we are at a standstill. Just like before. Only maybe it is not like before. Now I have the gift of knowing that my father wants me to know he is sorry. And that is good.