Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Forgiveness

I think a lot about forgiveness during Lent. It is a season for repenting after all. I seek forgiveness. I go to reconciliation. I am forgiven.
I also check out my heart for any un-forgiveness there. Not surprisingly, my father usually comes to mind. I really did forgive him years ago. But I am always worried that I didn’t really forgive him. Forgiveness is a decision and not a feeling. But I forget that.
Forgiveness does not condone what was done to us. Forgiveness does not say – hey, let’s be pals!! But I forget that too. I keep falling back into that need to be a good little girl and win everyone’s approval.
Over the years, I have had to forgive him over and over again. Every time I have to deal with the abuse, or I remember something I had not thought of for a long time, or he says something that shows his total disregard for my feelings and pain, I feel the need to forgive him again.
I think that forgiveness is a process. Especially in big hurts like this. Because it takes a lifetime to heal, it also takes a lifetime to settle things, so to speak.
I am on the journey and I keep trying. Because I know that forgiving my father is one of the best things I can do. Not only for him, but for me.

4 comments:

The Real Gal said...

Thank you for sharing this on forgiveness. Blessings.

Colleen said...

Forgiveness is a hard subject sometimes. Thank you for commenting! God bless.

Patricia Singleton said...

We don't do forgiveness for the other person. Forgiveness is for us so that we can stop carrying the pain around in our minds and in our bodies. I have written several articles on this subject as I have worked on it myself. Like you said, forgiveness isn't a one-time thing; it is an ongoing process as more issues come to the surface. Have a glorious day.

Colleen said...

Patricia, I appreciate your comments and agree with all you said. God bless and thanks for visiting!