Saturday, April 25, 2009

Same Old Stuff Again

The same old stuff happens over and over. Just when I think I have put something behind me, it pops up again. Or just when I think I feel better about myself and won't let others have the power to make me feel bad about myself, there I go again.
Someone the other day just made a comment that triggered old feelings and out they came. I felt like I wasn't worth their time or attention and I let it depress me. The good thing is, I recognized it quicker than usual and was able to talk myself out of the feeling of depression.
That is all good, I guess. But I need to stop being surprised when those old feelings of low self-worth pop up again. I guess I will fight those feelings all my life. At least I can give myself a pep talk when it happens.


Patricia Singleton said...

Thanks for writing this post, Colleen. I needed to be reminded again, that I am not alone in this thing we call recovery.

Some times it does seem like I am right where I have always been in the middle of all of the garbage that my childhood was. The reality is I am not in the same place at all. Because of all the time and effort that I have done on working through all of that garbage, I am in a much better place, even on the days that old memories and old feelings are back in my face.

I have better ways to cope with all of that today. I am stronger, more compassionate with myself and with others because I have a better understanding of the situation. I am in a different place today even when I feel that I am drowning in the emotions and thoughts of the past.

The choices that I make are better today. It is always a surprise to me when I become aware that I even had choices. As a child and young adult, I didn't realize that I had choices. As bad as today can sometimes seem, it is still better than where I have been. Colleen, have faith that things will get better.

Just Be Real said...

I am sorry that this "stuff" continues to happen to you dear one. A never ending cycle it seems. I certainly do understand and I too feel at times I should not be surprised when low self worth pops its ugly head up. For me which is frequent now. Pep talk and blog talk away dear one. We are all here in this together. Blessings!

Colleen said...

Patricia, You are right, we are not in the same place we once were, it just feels like it. Fr. Thomas Keating calls it the spiral staircase - we keep coming around to the same old thing but on a different level. Thanks for your encouragement. God bless.

Just Be Real, It is good to know that others understand because then we don't feel so alone. Thanks for your support. God bless.

April_optimist said...

Old patterns take time to change--as I'm still discovering. Also, I think sometimes things come up because we're ready to look at them in a new way. And each time we do, we get a little stronger, a little wiser, our lives get a little better.

Just Be Real said...

I have an award waiting for you in the post "Just Be Real Award." Come by and take of it dear one!

Colleen said...

April, Thank you for your comment. I totally agree that we often come through this stuff feeling stronger and wiser. There are 2 sides to every coin - a curse and a blessing. God bless.

Just Be Real - Thank you!! I will come visit! Blessings.

Mike Golch said...

hang in there,I know that Just be real thinks your special! you got an award waiting for you.

Colleen said...

Mike, I feel honored to receive her award. Thanks for your comment and for visiting! Blessings.