Friday, May 1, 2009

A God Thing

Here is a post I wrote for my other blog. It seems so appropriate to put it here right now. It was posted on August 23, 2008.

Trust has always been an issue with me. Having been hurt badly as a little girl, I do not trust easily. I do not trust many people at all.
And for years, I did not trust God much either.
I was not sure I could trust Him with my life and my heart. My heart has always seemed so fragile. Easily broken. So I put up walls.
Walls to enclose my heart. Walls to enclose my own little world.
And I became somewhat of a control freak. I guess I thought, deep down inside, if I can control my own little world, then I can finally feel safe.
Someone once handed me a little card that said I am not the Master of the Universe. Sigh. I do need to remember that.
Over the last several years, I have learned to trust God more. I no longer doubt His presence with me. Even during dark times.
Especially during dark times.
People, on the other hand, are harder to trust. They do not always take good care of each others’ hearts. But God has put some very good people in my life. My husband, Rich, for example. He has been the greatest gift of my life.
And I have come to realize, that the more I trust God, the more I trust others. And the more I trust others, the more I trust God.
Must be one of those God-things.


Just Be Real said...

Colleen, glad that God has put some good people in your life! Blessings dear one!

Patricia Singleton said...

Trust is probably one of the hardest things that a child abuse survivor has to learn how to do. Learning to trust myself had to come first for me before I trusted God or anyone else. I learned not to trust myself because as a child I couldn't protect myself.

Control was a big issue for me too. For awhile in my life, I tried to control everything and everybody that was close to me. Yes, I was a little of (no, really, a lot of) a control freak in order to feel safe. Thank God, others helped me to see that I wasn't happy that way either. Today, God is in control of my world and I am responsible for no one's behavior but my own.

Colleen said...

Just Be Real, Yes, God has helped me learn about His love through the love of others. As I love God more, I love others more and as I love others more, I love God more. Kinda sneaky of God. In a nice way :) God bless

Patricia, Interesting point about not trusting yourself. I had not thought about that but I can see where that could be part of my trust problem too. Thanks. God bless.