Friday, June 19, 2009

Hanging On

Guilt trip? Regret? Maybe.
Angry.

Tired.

Sad.
Mourning.
Afraid.
Alone.
Hopeful? Sometimes.
This is how I feel today. Back and forth. Back and forth.
The secret may be blown wide open this week. Maybe. Maybe not. But still, these feelings. I survived the publication of memoir. Why so scared? How to cope?
I write to my sister.
I write to my spiritual director.
I write to my mother.
I write this blog. Ironic this is Blog Carnival day.

And I pray. My favorite prayer has always been 'Help!'
And I hold onto Jesus.

4 comments:

Patricia Singleton said...

This describes how I have felt this week except mine has been more of the physical just getting through the day. I have been really tired lately and didn't know whether it was from the emotional roller coaster caused by writing about incest and the issues that has caused or if it had a physical cause. A wellness counselor friend told me the tiredness was from a physical illness that I was recently exposed to and caused me to have walking pnemonia. I am now treating it and for the first time in awhile, today I actually had some energy to do something.

Take care of yourself. We have already survived the worst when we were children. We will survive this too.

Colleen said...

Thank you Patricia. I will remember what you said- we survived the worst when we were children. How true. This is not as bad as that was. Blessings. Hope you feel better.

Vicki in AZ said...

I am proud of you.
I am praying for you.

Colleen said...

Vicki, thank you for your prayers!! Keep praying! Things are heating up! Thanks for all your affirming comments on my posts today. God bless.