Saturday, June 20, 2009

No More Secrets

OK. Here is the story.
My stepmother does not know that my father sexually abused my sister and me. She is basically the only one left in the family who does not know. There is a family-thing coming up and she is asking me about what to wear to it. She is, of course, assuming she is going. But it has been decided by the person who is the host of this family thing, that my father and his wife are not being invited, for obvious reasons.
I do not want to hurt her feelings and I do not want to lie to her. I am over that - the part about protecting one's abuser and keeping the secret to keep peace, etc. etc. etc. I have written a book for heaven's sake! I am out in public telling the world! But my own stepmother does not know.
Why? Because my father does not want her to know. He says he is protecting her but we all know who he is protecting. And I have helped protect him by keeping silent.
But I can no longer keep protecting him. I will not lie to her if she asks me why they are not invited. And I have written him to tell him that. I am not doing this to hurt him. I think he will be set free by the truth as well.
I really do not know how this will all turn out. He may come up with some lie that works for her. I am not sure. But I am sure I won't lie to her. I just won't. Secrets hurt all who are involved, on either side of the story.
I am done with secrets. Once and for all.


Just Be Real said...

Dear one, you tell the truth.

You did your part. Then whatever your father decides to tell her, (which he probably will do to protect himself) is his business between he and God. I know it will be hard, especially when your father will lie about you and probably make you look bad! But, you are a free woman now for the most part, and this is 'freedom.' You are in my prayer Colleen!!!

Colleen said...

JBR, thank you so much for your comment and support. I am feeling better about this as time passes and people encourage me. Thanks for your prayers.

Patricia Singleton said...

Congratulations on where you are in your journey. This is a big step in healing you. You are totally free of the lies and secrets now because of your decision. I remember how much weight was taken off of my shoulders when I made that same decision. We are blessed to have those who support us when we make these difficult decisions.

Colleen said...

Thank you so much for your comment and your support. Really helps me a lot. Like you said, we are blessed by those who support us.

Jamey said...

It takes a lot of courage to break the silence and I agree with you that your stepmother needs to know. I will be praying for you too Colleen.

Colleen said...

Jamey, thank you for your prayers. I am confident that I am doing the right thing. But I am anxious too. Your support means a lot. God bless.

Vicki in AZ said...

I am so amazed at your courage.
You are an inspiration.

Colleen said...

Vicki, Thanks for your encouraging words. They give me comfort and strength.