Sunday, June 7, 2009

The Papa I Never Had

Many people have been telling me I need to read the book The Shack, by Wm. Paul Young. I am not into fiction too much but after the 20th person told me about it, I decided I had better read it.
I am only about one-third of the way through it, but at this point I am hooked. As soon as God entered the picture, that was it for me. Then this morning, I read this line from God: "If you let me, Mack, I'll be the papa you never had." Immediately, tears sprang to my eyes.
Papa.

For years I had a problem relating to God as Father. Since my father was my abuser, I could really only look at God as Creator. Then one day I heard a priest give a talk about God as Father. And he talked about how Jesus called him 'Abba,' which could be translated as daddy. Or papa.
And I thought, I want that. I want to be able to call God - Daddy. Papa. And I realized at that moment (and I guess I would call it grace), that I'd had a father all along.
It was the beginning of a new relationship with God.
I began to see him truly as a father. And if I needed reminding of how important that has become to me, the line in the book took care of that. And I believe that is what God was saying to me that day I heard that priest talk: If you let me, I will be the papa you never had.
Thank you, Papa.

10 comments:

HeartfeltHeartLook said...

Colleen, I think I've remarked about this before. I have a wonderful, devout Dad, but I thought what if I didn't? How would I be able to view God as a Father? How difficult this must be for those who have walked and do walk in your shoes. I'm so glad you found our Father was there all along!

Colleen said...

Heartfelt, thank you for your kind words. I thought I didn't have a father in the real sense of the word. But God is good and God is love and He gently brings us to Himself.
God bless you.

allee kat said...

That was very moving and poignant. I'm glad you found solace in the book and in the concept of God as "abba." I understand the struggle of relating to God as a father figure, for the same reasons.

I closed my old blog and I'm at a new place now that feels more like "me", where I'm really into participating in a weekly creative writing challenge and exercise I found through another blog. Come on by and check it out! It's something I think you'll be interested in and I know you'll be good at!

Colleen said...

allee kat, thanks for stopping by and for your comments. I will check out your new place! Blessings.

Patricia Singleton said...

It was in Al-Anon that I learned that we see God as we see our Earthly dad. That is when I saw beyond the image of God that I had created in my mind and was able to see that God was so much more. That was also when I found out that God had never turned His back on me. It was me that needed to turn around and find that He had always been there patiently waiting for me to turn toward Him. Even when I was really, really angry with God, I always knew that He was there loving me.

Colleen said...

Patricia, what a gift when we finally realize that God has been with us the whole time, loving us and waiting for us. Thanks for sharing that! Blessings.

Vicki in AZ said...

This is beautiful, I am so happy you shared. I wish I could talk to you myself about the impact this book had on my being able to find God separate from my father.
He is gentle he does have all the time we need to bring us to him.
You are an inspiration.

Colleen said...

Vicki, it is so healing to discover that God is the loving father we have had with us all along. Thanks for your comment.

Sadie Brooks said...

This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. May you continue to minister to God's people through your blogs.

Colleen said...

Sadie, thank you so much for your beautiful comment. Does my heart good. Blessings.