How do we let go of the past? How do we move on when there are so many layers of pain to deal with?
Forgiveness is one thing. As I have posted before, forgiveness in my case does not seem to be one time and then I am done with it. It seems to be like an excavation. Every time I think I am done dealing with the past, another layer is uncovered.
I once heard Dr. Phil talking on his show to a survivor of child sexual abuse. He told her that he hoped that one day she would get to the point that she could put her past and her pain and her bad memories in a box and put the box on the top shelf in the back of her closet and leave it there. And maybe only take it out when she needed to deal with it. That image of the box has always stuck with me.
And I was beginning to think that maybe I could put my box of Stuff on the shelf. Writing my book and giving my witness has helped me to tell my story and release a lot of the pain. And I have found it to be a blessing to be able to use my life and my pain to help others. I have experienced some real healing in the past year.
But then this recent 'crisis' came. And there I was, excavating yet again, going through yet another layer, another secret. More Stuff.
I am feeling better now. Each day seems to be better than the day before. So I hang onto the hope that I can put all this away in my box and put my box up on the shelf soon. Very soon I think. I hope.
Hope is good.