Saturday, July 25, 2009

Moving Out of Harm's Way

Sometimes that old tape in my head starts playing again. That old tape that says - if you were a perfect little girl, he would do not do this to you any more.
Well, that tape was playing last week. I went through a day or two when I was feeling guilty about cutting my father out of my life. I prayed about it and tried playing new tapes to erase those old ones. I even re-read my post on My Choice, My Voice.
I was feeling better when I went out to lunch with a friend. I was telling her about it and she told me something that helped a lot. Something someone had once said to her. So I am passing it on, with her permission.
If you had your hand placed in front of you on a table and someone came at your hand with a big hammer, what would you do? Would you move it?
Pretty simple isn't it? I mean, we would all move our hands, wouldn't we? It would be almost automatic for us, to protect ourselves from getting hurt. And we wouldn't feel guilty about it. Almost seems silly to ask the question.
But when it comes to my abuser, it is not always so simple. The idea of doing what I need to do to protect myself does not come naturally. I have to talk myself into it! I have to remind myself I am worth protecting.
My friend's story about the hammer reminds me that it is a natural thing to do. I will remember it the next time I feel guilty for not letting my abuser around me any more.
And I will move away from what harms me.


Just Be Real said...

Good post Colleen with a great illustration from your friend.


Colleen said...

Just Be Real, thank you very much for your comment and hugs. I was hoping it would help others but was not sure. Glad you liked it. Hugs to you too!

VICKI IN AZ said...

I hear you Loud and Clear,
Been here before!!
With you all the Way Friend.

Colleen said...

Vicki, Thank you so much! God bless.

Patricia Singleton said...

Colleen, what if you had been raised by someone who constantly told you, "I am going to hit your hand with this hammer because I love you." This is what your dad and mine said about sex. I grew up being told having sex with my dad was what being loved was about. I was also being told that having sex was bad. Talk about mixed signals.

Today, I know that none of this is true. It was a struggle to get here where I am today. You can do it.

Colleen said...

Patricia, oh, you are so right!! the way you changed that statement by adding - because I love you. No wonder I felt like I lived in a world that made no sense. And those mixed signals. Before my declaration of independence, I was still getting mixed signals.
Thank you. I believe you when you say I can do it. I have come a long way already. Bless you.

Wanda's Wings said...

It was a very wise decision. Hard I'm sure, but wise.

Mike Golch said...

We all have to do what we need to do to survive in this word,if it means cutting someout of you so be it. I foy donot mind I would like to place your blog in the recovery blog roll that I have on my website.

Colleen said...

Wanda, thanks for your support. It helps. Bless you.

Mike, yes, I needed to do it. But it sures helps when people remind me of that! Thanks.
Yes, you can put my site on your list. Thanks. God bless.