There is an appointed time for everything ... A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4)
I haven't posted since my Declaration of Independence because I have not been sure of what to say. I am feeling very tired. I am also very sad, perhaps depressed. I think I am in mourning.
I am mourning the loss of the dream I had that my father might someday act like a real father. So I have to let go of that dream so I can move on from here. I have to let myself mourn. Feel the feelings. Not an easy thing to do.
I can only hold onto Jesus while I go through this. I have to go through the dark to get to the light. I know that. I have been here before. This is familiar territory and then again, it is not.
I never thought I would turn my back on my father, but it is all I can do.
Not trusting my own judgment, I double-checked this decision with everyone I trusted. My husband, my sisters, a therapist, a priest. They all confirmed it. I am doing the right thing.
So now is the time to show myself some compassion. Give myself some TLC. Pray. Cry. Get angry. Go to the beach. Spend time with "real" family and friends. And eat a bag of M&M's. (only one!)
And memorize those words in that note my friend sent me - Remember who your real father is for he will never abuse you.