Thursday, July 30, 2009

Time to Protect Me

I was reading a meditation in Daybreak, Meditations for Women Survivors of Sexual Abuse, written by Maureen Brady. The title of this meditation is Protecting Others. Here is a quote:

"I free myself of the need to protect others and refuse guilt that does not belong to me."

I still feel that guilt that comes and goes since recently separating myself from my abuser and setting up boundaries. I think I am taking on the guilt that belongs to him.

For years as a child, I protected him. I kept his secret. I thought I was protecting my family too. I mean what would we do if they took him away? How would we live?
When I recently forced him to tell my stepmother, I felt so guilty afterwards! Was I taking on his guilt? Did I feel like I failed to protect everyone?
No. The person I failed to protect was ME.
It is time now. It is time to protect me.

11 comments:

VICKI IN AZ said...

AMEN my friend. Praise God she has seen the light.
Love to you

Just Be Real said...

((((Colleen))))

sarah said...

this post is right on. I so understand what you're saying here. How does that happen that we become loyal and protective to those who hurt us? Have a great day today. Sarah

Cindy said...

Right on!

Colleen said...

Vicki, thank you for your support.

Just Be Real, thank you for those hugs!!

Sarah, Thank you for your comment. I do not know how it happens, but it seems that a lot of us feel this way. I think we are just looking for love and approval.

Cindy, Thanks for coming by!!! Appreciate it.

Wanda's Wings said...

You are so right!!!!! (((Colleen)))

Colleen said...

Wanda, it is so nice to be affirmed by others. Thanks for your support and comment.

Patricia Singleton said...

When we are children, we are easily manipulated to take on things that are not ours, like someone else's shame. We protect the family system in order to survive being a child. It is something that each family member does whether it is a healthy system or an abusive one. When others don't protect us, we step in and protect ourselves and others that we feel need protecting, as much as a child is able to protect anyone. The protecting is more in our minds than in actuality.

It is in adulthood that we discover that we have choices and sometimes those choices include protecting ourselves and letting go of the need to protect those who abuse us. When I discovered choices, it was my first taste of freedom from the abuse. Blessings to all who read this.

Colleen said...

Patricia, you explain things so well. Thank you very much and blessings to YOU!

April_optimist said...

This sooooo important. We were conditioned that it was our responsibility to protect our families and abusers. I know I was. And yes, sometimes I still catch myself trying to protect others--often at the cost of problems for me. As you say, we have to learn to protect ourselves! Great post!

Colleen said...

April, thank you. It is good to share it here, isn't it? It helps us to know we are not the only ones who do this. Blessings!