I was reading a meditation in Daybreak, Meditations for Women Survivors of Sexual Abuse, written by Maureen Brady. The title of this meditation is Protecting Others. Here is a quote:
"I free myself of the need to protect others and refuse guilt that does not belong to me."
I still feel that guilt that comes and goes since recently separating myself from my abuser and setting up boundaries. I think I am taking on the guilt that belongs to him.
For years as a child, I protected him. I kept his secret. I thought I was protecting my family too. I mean what would we do if they took him away? How would we live?
When I recently forced him to tell my stepmother, I felt so guilty afterwards! Was I taking on his guilt? Did I feel like I failed to protect everyone?
No. The person I failed to protect was ME.
It is time now. It is time to protect me.