Monday, August 24, 2009

Finding A New Normal

I think I am suffering from the blues.
My vacation is over. My mother has gone back home. My son is married. I go back to work today.
These are all good reasons to have the blues. There was so much joy and celebration over the last couple of weeks that I think I am just dreading going back to normal. Normal sounds so boring. So routine. So, well, sad.
But there is something to be said about routine, isn't there? There is safety in routine. I know what to expect with routine.

The wedding went well. Joy abounded. The real kind of joy that bubbles up from within. Somewhere in the middle of it I realized that I did not at all feel guilty that my father was not there.
I realized that I did not have to worry about my father being there and what to say. I did not have to pretend. I could just enjoy my family. And feel safe.
The photo here is of my son twirling me around the dance floor. And then he twirled my mother around the floor too. There are tons of pictures of this. We just had fun.
I think I will go to work and share my pictures with everyone and relive this beautiful time. Then I will get back to work and my routine.

I think I have "talked" myself out of having the blues. I may be going back to routine but I am not going backwards. There is a difference. Today, life is good.


VICKI IN AZ said...

Colleen said...

Thanks Vicki!!

HeartfeltHeartLook said...

It's so good to see you out on the dance floor! Go Colleen!!!

When I get some writing on your book done, I'll email it to you. I'm a little behind, because of being under the weather. So bear with me....... Hugs!

Colleen said...

Heartfelt, I hope you feel better soon! Take your time. Believe me, that dance with my son was fun! What a blessing he is to me. Both my boys.
Feel better!

Just Be Real said...

Thank you for sharing your very special moment in a picture. You certainly do look like you were having a great time!! Blessings and hugs.....

Patricia Singleton said...

Life really is full of joy when you know where to look. You deserve all the joy in life that you can stand.

Any time that change happens and something ends, (All beginnings, like your son's wedding, means an ending of what was before.) you go through the grieving process for that ending. You having the blues is grieving that ending.

You had many endings at once---your son being grown up and starting a family of his own with his wedding, your mother visiting and then going back to her home, and the ending of your vacation. Any of these alone would be cause for a small grieving process to occur---the blues. You had all three happening back to back. All change, even good change, creates a grieving process. The grieving process isn't always a big process. Grieving can be from a few minutes to several years to what seems like a lifetime when abuse is involved depending upon the cause.

You have also had a major grieving process going on with the situation with your dad and the changing of that that you have experienced over the past few months.

Grieving is ok and even necessary so don't struggle so with it. Like joy, just let grieving happen when it needs to. It is all part of the journey.

Colleen said...

JBR - thank you! Total joy!

Patricia - thank you. You have given me some more food for thought. I need to look for joy more. I do need to remember that I deserve it!
And the grieving - I do need to let myself grieve. I always hold it back or fight with it. Thanks so much.

Lisa Marie said...

Today life is good, and the next moment I will try to enjoy as much as the one before it.

Colleen said...

Lisa Marie, it is hard to live in the present moment sometimes. Thanks and hugs.