Thursday, August 20, 2009

Saying Goodbye

My mom left today. It was difficult saying goodbye. It always is. We live over 1600 miles apart. We do not see each other often. And when we have to say goodbye, I usually cry and become depressed for a day or two.
We had fun together. There was little discussion about my childhood because I wanted it that way. I just wanted to enjoy my son's wedding and our "girls" weekend at a Women of Faith conference. And I did. We both did. A good mother & daughter time.
Now I will deal with the sadness of her leaving. I feel like such a little girl when this happens. I guess it is because I never know when or if I will see her again. It feels like such a loss each time it happens. I need to learn to be grateful for the moment and not worry about the future.
I do not like saying goodbye. I would rather say hello.
image source


Lisa Marie said...

Hello is always the better of the two, but goodbye allows you to feel the emotions that will continue you to want to improve your relationship with those around you by healing yourself. So glad you were able to enjoy your time with your mom.

Colleen said...

Thank you Lisa Marie! I like what you said about saying goodbye allowing us to feel the emotions. How true. After years of not letting myself feel, this is a good thing!

Patricia Singleton said...

I understand why you didn't want to spend your precious time visiting with your mother on the incest.

Sometime in the future, you may want to talk to your mother about your feelings and recovery journey. It may open a door of healing to her as well, if she needs healing and is willing to go there.

Sometimes it is better not to open that door. It is an individual decision that only you can make. For me, I felt better but it only added more anger for my mom who never acknowledged that she was angry. Ejoy all the time that you have with your mom.

Colleen said...

Patricia - we have talked about it many times and I have forgiven her. But she is having trouble forgiving herself. I seem unable to help her with that so I have suggested she talk to her pastor which she said she will do. I hope so. It must be hard for her. Thanks for your comments which always contain some wisdom I need to hear.

sarah said...

I know what you mean. Saying goodbyes are really hard. But that is awesome you had that time with your mother. Stay safe Sarah

Colleen said...

Sarah, thanks for visiting. Yes, it was a real good time with my mom. It was good for both of us. Blessings!