Saturday, October 17, 2009

Minimizing the Abuse

Minimize.
That is what some people do when they find out I was sexually abused. They do not want to face the real pain of it, the real horror, so they make it out to not be so bad. Some even refuse to believe it happened. They tell me they love me, but they refuse to see. And they don't want to hear.
Minimize.
That is what my abuser did. When I told him it hurt, he said it didn't. It took me years before I ever again told anyone it hurt. Or that anything hurt.
So I too minimized the abuse. I refused to see it. I refused to look at it. For years, I pretended everything was just fine and it wasn't all that bad, was it? And my abuser was really an OK person and he loved me, right? Why rock the boat by even mentioning it? Or telling anyone. Or admitting it hurt.
It took years for me to realize that I am worth more than that. We are all worth more than that.
I am never going to let anyone ever again minimize the abuse or discount my feelings of pain and fear and grief.
Never again.

8 comments:

Just Be Real said...

Great post dear one. Yes, a lot of us minimize, until we are brought and accept the truth! Thank you for sharing such a important topic. Blessings to you!

rox said...

Colleen I was wondering where you were and going to write I had not seen any post updates lately . I hope all is well .
I see you changed the blog colours etc. It is really beautiful and autumny !
Colleen I've been really upset lately again about exactly this issue of not acknowledging the pain or minimizing or worse the not believing and out and out denial of abuse . Here in Canada there have been two cases that have really been in the news .
One little girl was killed at 5yo and her abusers are trying for an appeal .
It is victimizing and abusing the child again when they are no longer here is the ultimate abuse .
I'm struggling with the issue of pretend and denial the world that others seem to live in and ask us to partake in . Then we are punished it seems for saying NO and speaking the truth . Why so many victims of abuse are isolated and cast out and the abuser is protected etc.
For me when I see things for as they are it all comes back to and stems from fear . Abuse in our church hidden because of fear , our abusers denial because of fear etc.
Once again Colleen I am so glad to have met you & others . After seeing videos on youtube now of all the little ones lost to the hands of people like our abusers I see myself once again as the adult I am here and now .I am not a little girl I am a big strong adult woman ( although a short tiny one ) who has the choice , control , power to use my voice to be thiers . We have to . I will never shut up about my abusers because they continue to abuse and children are always at risk . They need a voice , a hand , a hug , be able to live a true live a child should live .
keep on praying , speaking , walking , smiling etc. Colleen your doing great !
once again I love the blog look

Paula said...

Yepp I( used to minimize, I got minimized and for many years I allowed it to happen. I was a child, I was powerless on that stage, it took me long to accept that I was powerless then but not now anymore. Accepting my powerlessness as a child freed me it stopped nearly this attitude of mine. I stopped surviving and very slowly started thriving. I wish you well and keep you in mythoughts. Love across the pond

Colleen said...

JBR, I think I still minimize the pain at times. A hard habit to break. Blessings!

Rox, I am in a calm place right now so have less to say. I dont know if I will keep this blog the way it is or go for something more feminine and bright. What do you think?
I find it hard to hear news stories like the one you are talking about. I get so angry. I agree with you that fear has a lot to do with the minimizing. People do not want to face the reality of what has been done.
You are doing great too rox. Blessings!

Colleen said...

Paula, I love that - the shift from surviving to thriving. I do not think we survivors talk about that enough. But I too feel like I am learning to thrive. Part of healing is learning to live. Really live. Hugs and blessings to you!

VICKI IN AZ said...

I am so grateful for this post and for your strength. Your light just shines and shines.
Did you join the Survivors group on Polyvore yet Colleen?
xoxo ♥ Vicki

sarah said...

I minimized for years. It kept me in shame and self hate. I'm with you. No more. Have an awesome week. Sarah

Colleen said...

Vicki, thanks. I am not sure if I figured out how to join that group?? I will check it out tonight. I am working on another collage. They are really worthwhile doing. God bless!

Sarah, glad to hear that you agree - no more minimizing! of course, we often do so without thinking or realizing it. Perhaps we can all help each other with our support.