For Thanksgiving, my father sent my sister and my older son an e-card but not one to me nor to my younger son. Mind you, I could care less about getting an e-card. I am more concerned about my son (who says that he does not care either).
What bothers me is that my father is involving my son in what is a problem between my father and me. Yes, my son did not invite him to his wedding. But it was for me that he made that decision.
I mean, does it not make sense that a son would not want anything to do with a man who had abused his mother? I mean, let's get real.
I want to be free of my father's abuse and manipulation. I won't go back to an unhealthy relationship where I am the little girl who feels that she has to be good in order to be loved; where good is defined as toeing the line and doing whatever daddy wants. Especially keeping silent.
What my father fails to realize ~ what he has never understood and what I finally realize he will probably never understand ~ he cannot hurt me any worse than he did when he sexually abused me for years.No cards and letters coming? That is fine with me. I am relieved actually. No more pretending.
I will not be his victim any more. I will keep my self-esteem and I will live my life the way I want to live it.