Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Are There Rules for Feelings?

Affirmation. I can never seem to get enough. I think I am better but then wham, I get hit with something and I am looking for affirmation all over again.
I didn't get affirmation of my pain for years. Now that my secret is out in the open, things have changed. But if I get any hint of someone not affirming my feelings about anything, I feel that twinge. That little knot of fear in my belly.
I find myself asking that question - am I not allowed to feel this way?
Like there are rules for feeling.
When I was a little girl, my abuser told me that what he did to me didn't hurt. For years I have been thinking I am not supposed to hurt. Of if I hurt, I am supposed to keep it to myself.
Feelings are feelings. We cannot help how we feel. Feelings are not bad or good. What matters is what we do with our feelings.
I am doing better at identifying my feelings. Now I just need to learn to accept them. No matter what anyone else thinks.
Then maybe I can learn to better accept myself.

7 comments:

Just Be Real said...

Colleen, thank you for sharing on this "twinge" topic. I so do understand where you are coming from. I guess we will always have that twinge once in a while until we are in Glory. What was done to us, was so devestating, the self doubt. But, dear one, you have come a long way. I tell ya, if it was NOT for Christ! Wow! Where would we be.....

Blessings to you and your family.

Patricia Singleton said...

If there were written rules for us to follow, one step at a time, life might would be simpler. I say might because I would probably still find some way to make even rules more complicated. That is just part of who I am. I like to look at all sides of an story or argument before making any decisions.

We deserve to have a support system when we are doing feelings. That means we have the right to ask others for help. That is one I haven't mastered yet, the asking part. I wish that I could say things will get easier but easy isn't what made us strong survivors. It is the struggle that gives us strength.

I really like JBR's comment. Christ, our faith, does get us through the hard times. He teaches us compassion. He loves us until we can learn to love ourselves. He teaches us real love that has no strings attached.

Colleen said...

JBR, you are so right! If it were not for Christ, I do not know where I would be. And you too have come a long way. God bless.

Patricia, I am not good at asking for help either. And I agree with you about JBR"s comment. When I finally came to really believe in his unconditional love, it made all the difference. Thanks and God bless!

Lily said...

I can feel that own knot in my gut. Is it OK to feel XYZ? Am I wrong to do that? What if I'm the only one?

Accepting my feelings for what they are and not judging myself is such a challenge for me. Every day. But you are so right about it helping you learn to accept yourself. Two big steps...

Colleen said...

Lily, thank you for your visit. Yes, it is a challenge. Like we don't have enough! But we meet those challenges, don't we? With help from each other. And affirmation! Hugs.

Marj aka Thriver said...

Feelings are HUGE! I've become convinced that feelings are the key to my healing. I've noticed--now that I'm paying more attention--that I tend to dissociate if I don't have some quite time to feel my feelings when they come up.

Always remember, Colleen, that you are entitled to your feelings. I think that they are the window to the real you. Thanks for sharing this important topic.

Colleen said...

Marj, thank you, too. You are right - we are all entitled to our feelings. And yes, they are HUGE. Blessings!