Friday, February 26, 2010

Love can Bring Us Life

I finally watched it.
Oprah Winfrey interviewed 4 child molesters a few weeks ago. I taped it but it took me 3 weeks to get up enough nerve to watch it. I figured it would be filled with "triggers." It was.
But there was one moment when I knew I was glad that I watched it. Oprah asked them if they knew what damage they had caused their victims. And one man said - I killed the person she could have been.
My eyes filled with tears. Finally someone said it. Someone said what I have always known. I had been murdered.
For years now, I have been trying to come back to life. I don't think I will ever be the person I was meant to be, the person I was before the abuse started.
But today I live. Today I am alive.
Because Jesus is loving me back to life.

14 comments:

Just Be Real said...

Wow Colleen.... what an eye opener. As you said, finally someone said what you needed to hear all these years, as very painful as it is. It is so very true, "you were murdered." What a powerful post dear one. Thank you for sharing.

((((Colleen))))

Grace said...

I watched this same episode a couple of weeks ago...I wonder what I could have been too...I hope others watch too and prevent more "murders"....
((Colleen))
~ Grace

Colleen said...

JBR, yes, we were murdered. And that is why we grieve. We mourn what we have lost. Thanks for your comment. Hugs to you.

Grace, yes, I hope that show helped to save a child - many children. Thanks for your comment. Hugs.

sarah said...

I'm glad you fought through and won and are winning the fight to live free... I saw the show too..A few things bothered me about that show but I did hear him say that....Stay strong. Sarah

Colleen said...

Sarah, I agree. There were a few things that bothered me too, including some things Oprah said. I wrote to her about it. One thing that bothered me was that there was no one to really challenge some of the things that were said. For example, they said they would stop if the victims told them to. Yeah, right. I tried that. Besides, it was like they were trying to blame the victim. Hugs.

Patricia Singleton said...

I didn't see that particular show. I meant to but forgot that it was on.

I said no a number of times over the years and my dad always coerced me into giving in. He knew that I didn't want my mom to be hurt if the knowledge came out about the incest. He used that against me.

Finally when I was 17 I said no and nothing he said could change my mind. At that point, if he pushed too hard, I would have told someone and he knew it.

That doesn't mean that he left me alone. He didn't. The pressure from him was almost more than I could stand at that point. At 17, I knew that I was emotionally stronger than he was. I didn't know that before I was 17. By that time, I was so tired that I didn't care if others knew.

When I left home at 19, I was really close to an emotional break down and I knew it. That was what gave me the courage to run away. I knew that I couldn't take any more emotional abuse. Thanks for writing this post.

Colleen said...

Patricia, what a powerful statement. We all have so much in common and yet we all have our own story. I think it was so courageous of you to withstand his pressure. Just amazing. I am just now finally beginning to realize that I probably have always been emotionally stronger than my father. But I never stood up to him about anything until I was about 20, and that was traumatic to me. Thank you for sharing Patricia.

Marj aka Thriver said...

I watched the clips from the Oprah website. It took me a long time to watch them, too. I think many abusers truly attempt soul murder. This is how I relate to what you said. I've been reviving my soul. (((((((Colleen)))))))

Colleen said...

Marj, I like that - "reviving my soul." Thanks for that. Hugs to you too!

God Whispers In The Wind said...

Came by to give you another hug dear one. ((((Colleen))))

Paula said...

Yepp, they do murdered parts of me. some of which I could revive, one which is lost forever: my innocence. He would never have stopped, I said NO ever so often. When I turned 11 I managed to stop it and not even my mother could get me submissive anymore. I have overcome the trials of the abuse many years ago however the trials my mother put me through I havent and still struggle. You have fought so hard and have come so far - press on, I am in your corner. Love from my heart to yours.

Colleen said...

God Whispers - thank you for your hugs!! (((God Whispers)))

Paula - I am in your corner too Paula. Blessings and (((hugs)))

Paula said...

Passing by to show some love. Hope you are doing ok. Hugs to you. Paula

Colleen said...

Paula, Hugs back.