Sunday, March 28, 2010

Boundaries

This quote is from a book called Boundaries, When to Say Yes, When to Say No - by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend - "To continue to open yourself up emotionally to an abusive or addicted person without seeing true change is foolish. Forgive, but guard your heart until you see sustained change."
This gave me more confirmation that separating myself from my father is a good thing. Two of the key words for me were "sustained change." My father has not shown me sustained change. He gives lip service to it. But does not live it. I used to believe him. I don't any more. I guess I am now guarding my heart. Or learning to.
This quote made me feel better. Something I needed to hear. So I figure if I needed to hear it maybe some of you needed to hear it too.
I know I have had boundary issues but as I begin to read this book, I am finding out more and more what those issues are!

10 comments:

Just Be Real/God Whispers In The Wind said...

Thank you Colleen for sharing that qoute. Very powerful indeed. We must guard our heart. Do not want to be hurt again, if there is no change in the other person. Blessings to you dear.

Patricia Singleton said...

When I first got into recovery I did not know what boundaries are. Walls are not boundaries. I had built thick walls around me to keep you out but they also kept me in. I had to remove those walls. I did it one brick at a time, slowly over a period of several years as I learned who I could trust and who I could not. I was never able to trust my dad. I tried several times and each time I got hurt again until I got the message that he couldn't be trusted.

Colleen said...

JBR, yes, it is very powerful. Guarding our hearts is so important for so many reasons. Blessings to you too!

Patricia, oh yeah, I had those same walls. Actually I still put some walls up from time to time to protect myself. I pull them down, I put them up. And you are right. I didn't think about that - boundaries are not walls.
And I need to get that message about not trusting my father. Maybe this time I have. Thanks.

Marj aka Thriver said...

Since so many of us never learned about boundaries in our childhoods, it's a good thing there is now a book! I'm glad you read that quote and feel better about the boundaries you need to have to keep yourself safe. Our parents never protected us or taught us how to stay safe either. So, these are things we are still learning and teaching ourselves as adults, huh? Good job! (((((((((Colleen)))))))) safe hugs

Colleen said...

Marj, yes, we are learning what we should have learned as little children. Thanks for your support and encouragement! Hugs back to you!

sarah said...

thanks Colleen for posting this...Boundries has been a huge issue. Sarah

Colleen said...

Sarah, thank you. It helps to know I am not alone with this issue.

Paula said...

Oh yes, I can relate. I know my boundaries very well but had no guts to enforce them. Even now I am hesitating and choose my standing up for myself very carefully.Lip services I have experiecend often enough. By now it is for me: if actions dont match the words - I am gone. Hugs and love, Paula

sarah said...

wanted to come and wish you a happy Easter. Sarah

Colleen said...

Thank you Sarah. Happy Easter!