Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Does Anyone Get It?

I watched Oprah. She had on her show the actress Monique's brother (Monique was in the movie Precious which I have not seen yet). Monique said her brother had molested her when she was 7. Monique did not come on the show. I can understand why.
I found that the show depressed me. Upset me even. The brother, while admitting to the abuse, and stating that he had been abused also, just cannot understand why Monique had to make it public and why she called him a monster. After all, he said, they used to get along just fine.
Another brother could not understand her either. The parents wondered why she had to air the dirty laundry. They were struggling to understand. Obviously the whole family is hurting.
But they were in such a state of denial. They went on and on about what a close family they had been and why was Monique bringing it up now? They just didn't get it.
Monique has not seen her brother in a long time nor her parents in a few years. She did not want to come on the show with her family. Obviously she is struggling and hurting. But they do not see that. They see someone who has upset the apple cart.
I am beginning to wonder if anyone in this world really gets it. Does anyone out there who was not molested understand why we survivors spend years pretending everything is OK until finally we deal with it and all this hurt and pain and anger come out?
Why do they think we are called survivors?!?!? We have come through a world of hurt and we have done the best we could. We were little children, and we coped the best we could cope until we finally had to deal with this stuff inside our head and our hearts and that pain that keeps coming back now and again.
Child sexual abuse has been talked about a lot in recent years. A lot on Oprah that is for sure. Does anyone really listen?
Does anyone really get it? Other than you and me. Anyone?


Just Be Real/God Whispers In The Wind said...

Colleen, I feel unless someone has actually gone through what we have gone through that they can "fully get it." We were there, we get it. Some of us understand it in different stages, but we get it. The ones that do not get it, I see denial and fear written all over their faces.

Andrea said...

JBR is correct. If they have not lived it they will never truly understand. We have made some progress, but NOT near enough. We are still failing many children...who need protection.

Blessings, hugs, and prayers,

PS: I have an update on amden on arise 2 write.

Lily said...

I'd have to agree. No one can truly "get it" unless they've lived it. People can empathize and use logic to understand the basics, but I wouldn't expect most people to understand the intricacy of the damage done.

Colleen said...

I guess you are all right. Education is still the key. BUT, I still think that common sense should tell people that the victim is hurting and to treat her like she is the bad guy when she is the victim just seems crazy to me. It is that old DENIAL thing. Hugs to all.

Paula said...

Like all said, if you havent been there you lack all understanding. I am glad Michelle did voice what hapoend to her. She has taken a stan dofr all fo us. I am humbled and grateful.

Patricia Singleton said...

Until you have experienced something like incest for yourself, you can't really know what it feels like. People just don't understand the family dynamics that as children and even as young adults kept so many of us silent. They don't understand the fear, guilt and shame that keeps us silent for so long. This is why we have to keep talking about incest, to give others awareness of what happens when you have been abused.

As my last article talked about, the dysfunctional family system does everything possible to keep itself intact. You see this being played out by Monique's family on Oprah. They are all blaming Monique for breaking the silence and exposing the family to the world.

This is what happened to Carla @ the blog Emerging From Broken this past week. [For information about this, you can read my current article on my blog, Dysfunctional Family Systems.] One of her cousins decided to attack Carla for speaking out about her own dysfunctional family and the beliefs about herself that came from that dysfunction. Some of their personal remarks to Carla were quite forceful asking if she had her father's permission to put that stuff on her blog. I came under attack also for daring to suggest that because of his behavior it was obvious that the male cousin came from a dysfunctional family himself. They were quite angry with Carla and with me.

Colleen said...

Paula, thank you for your comment. I guess I am just thinking that even if people do not understand what it is like to be us, why do they still make us out to be the bad guy when we are just trying to survive? Seems to me people should figure that out. Maybe I am the one who does not get it!!

Patricia, thank you. You are right. We have to keep talking about it. Do you ever get tired of talking about it though? Explaining it I mean?
I enjoyed your article on the dysfunctional family system and I read about Cara too. Amazing. It explains my father's reaction to my book.

Patricia Singleton said...

Colleen, yes, I do sometimes get tired of explaining why I am still being affected by the abuse, and explaining why I write about the abuse, and why I am not the person that I used to be.

People often want to know why I don't just get over it. People don't usually mean to be heartless in their comments and questions but they sometimes are. Usually those who get irritated with me the most are those who have unresolved issues themselves that they are not willing to look at.

Colleen said...

Patricia, thank you. I agree that those who get most irritated probably have their own unresolved issues. I have known that to be true in a few instances. I appreciate your response very much to my comment. You have a way of making me feel less alone. Hugs.