Friday, May 28, 2010

Learning to Play

I have not done a lot of inner child work. A little here and there. I can always tell when my inner child needs some attention however. Whenever I bring a stuffed animal to bed with me, I am usually feeling afraid of something at that point.
What has been a big thing for me and my inner child is play. I stopped playing years ago when the abuse started and still to this day, I have a hard time playing.
Maureen Brady writes in Daybreak, Meditations for Women Survivors of Sexual Abuse  writes that "In an abusive family the child's playful spirit becomes hidden, a requirement for its survival."
For years I wasn't sure my playful spirit had survived. I always had a hard time knowing how to play with my boys where they were little. I really thought something was wrong with me or I was a bad mother. 
Then I went to an incest support group meeting. And a woman was rejoicing that she went out to fly a kite with her children and she actually had fun! Everyone was congratulating her and I realized that I was not alone. That was the first time I realized the healing benefits of going to a support group.
So I kept working at learning how to play, with my children and for my own fun!
I still struggle. I still do not know how to let my hair down and just have fun. But when it does happen, I enjoy it and I feel that deep sense of joy.
Maureen Brady writes - "Just for today I trust that the world will not fall apart because I choose to play."
Amen.

14 comments:

Gayle Crabtree said...

Your message of how survivors can heal by playing with our children is a good one. For me, it was a healthy way of connecting with my inner child. Thank you for such a soothing blog.

Colleen said...

Gayle, thank you for your kind words. Hugs.

Paula said...

Colleen, I take my teddy into bed every eve. In good and bad times. Meant over times I strated to enJOY it. And it took away the part of teddy being necessary only when afraid!

Colleen said...

Paula, thank you. I had not thought of that. Hugs.

Patricia Singleton said...

Playing is important. I had to learn how to play again as well.

sarah said...

being serious is what I learned...being constrained...in control. LEarning to play was a huge issue. Glad you're learning to give yourself what you need.

Just Be Real said...

My hearts goal is to regain the lost "fun" child.

Colleen said...

Patricia, amen. It is important. Even St Benedict, when talking about balance, includes play/leisure in that need for balance.

Sarah, thank you. Yes, I always felt like I had to be in control. I thought I kept myself safe that way I think.

JBR, I hear you. I still struggle with finding her. She pops up once in awhile.
Hugs.

Nicky said...

This is such a great story. I think we all need to dedicate some time to recognizing our inner child and relishing in childhood. I have also been reading a blog called About Childhood by Alle Hall, which takes an interesting approach to looking at childhood from a survivor and parent's perspective. I thought you might be interested in taking a look:
http://allehall.wordpress.com/

thanks again for sharing your story!

Just Be Real said...

Thinking about you Colleen. Blessings and ((((Colleen))))

Colleen said...

JBR, thank you so much! It is nice to know. Really nice. Back from vacation today. Will be back reading and writing posts this weekend! Blessings and hugs.

Colleen said...

Nicky, thank you for your visit and your information. God bless.

Marj aka Thriver said...

I love the Maureen Brady book--I have it myself. And I love this post! I'm so glad that you stuck with it and are learning how to play and experience the joy that comes from that. You so deserve it!

I hope you don't mind that--even though I ended up hosting THE BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE myself this month--I went ahead and ran your article in it for our 4-year anniversary edition. I finally got the edition posted at my blog, if you want to come over and check it out. Thanks for participating!

Colleen said...

Marj, do not mind a bit!! I will be over to check it out! Hugs!