Monday, August 9, 2010

Inner Storm

Have you ever felt like a storm was coming? Not the outdoors kind of storm, but the kind that builds up within you. You hear the rumbling, you sense the darkness, you see some clouds.
Inner turmoil.
I am not sure why, but there is a storm brewing inside of me. A little fear, some anxiety. It is there, just beneath the surface.
Maureen Brady writes in her book, Daybreak, Meditations for Women Survivors of Sexual Abuse, that she once heard a survivor of child sexual abuse say at a survivors' meeting - "My incest is bothering me today." 
I think that is the perfect thing to say when I am not sure why I am having so much inner disturbance.
My incest is bothering me today.
And it makes me feel like I am not in control. I feel like a victim.
But the good news is - I know what I need to do. I need to pay attention to whatever is bothering me, take care of my inner child... be good to me.
Then maybe the sun will come out.

9 comments:

Just Be Real said...

Oh Colleen, I like what you shared here. Perfect was of saying and talking about your storm.

Hoping this particular storm leaves soon for you dear one. ((((Colleen))))

Colleen said...

JBR, thank you! I am glad you liked it. and thanks for the hugs!

Gail said...

I love that "I think my incest is bothering me today"....gosh it can creep up when you least expect it. Hugz to you and your beautiful inner child. Gail

Paula said...

The scar can hurt and itch terribly. I am happy however it is a scar and not a deep bleeding wound anymore. Hugs to you

PeggyEllen said...

It seems like the way the feelings come, all mixed up and storm-like, makes it harder to make sense out of them. My old pattern is just to try to ignore them. I am beginning to notice (at least sometimes) that if I am willing to sort of give the storm a hug, it shifts to grief and moves through, often leaving some small tidbit of understanding. Blessings and courage to you. Thank you for your post. PeggyEllen, co-author of The Thursday Group;A Story and Information for Girls Healing from Sexual Abuse http://thursdaygroupbook.blogspot.com/

sarah said...

I know what you mean..I've felt that too. Take gentle care of you ok

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

What you say makes sense. The most important thing you wrote, I think, is that you know what to do. A key in the pocket to use when the door is locked! How wonderful!

Colleen said...

Gail, I so agree. Amazing how it comes out of nowhere. But yes, that phase helps I think! Hugs to you!

Paula, thank you. I like the way you put that! Hugs!

PeggyEllen, thank you for your visit and comment. Yes, I have found that ignoring the storms and the pain only makes it worse.

Sarah, thank you so much, I like that - taking gentle care. Yes, we need to be gentle to ourselves.

Elizabeth, thank you for pointing that out to me - that it is good that I know what to do. (At least sometimes I do)
I like how you put that - A key in the pocket.

Hugs to all!

Lily said...

It's like your own internal thunderstorm warning. I think the more we heal, the louder this warning gets. Your mind and body are better equipped to deal with things, therefore keeping it from getting completely out of hand, but you can't stop a thunderstorm, you can only shield yourself and push through.