Saturday, September 25, 2010

WHAMO!

You never know what is going to be a "trigger." I can be living my daily life, minding my own business, thinking everything is fine and maybe I am done with those triggers that stir things up from my past.
Then - WHAMO!
Out of the blue some seemingly little thing or offhand remark does it. And I am sent back into my shell, worried and scared and sad and tense.
Well, today it happened. WHAMO!
I cannot go into details here but it is a minor little thing. Still, it has me on edge and it has me thinking no one loves me and everyone is mad at me and it is all my fault. Everything is all my fault. Like I have some kind of power to make things happen.
Why do I feel responsible for the whole universe?
Why do I feel guilty?
Now I think I need to fix everything.
Sigh.

15 comments:

sarah said...

that happens to me too. I think it's the residue stuff that never seems to go away or it's just being human. I hope it resolves itself quickly for you. I'm grateful for you.....

Colleen said...

Thank you, Sarah.

rox said...

Colleen I will keep You in prayer .
I've had ST.Therese one of your fav saints in my mind lately ☺ I will ask for her intercession .
I think she is great saint for healing the hurt child inside us all .
Collen every single person on the planet has triggers ! It is how we respond that matters .
get this Colleen the difference in not being healed and healed is you recoginize you have a trigger , it feels awful and you know deep inside you are loved and not everything in the world is your fault !
That is the difference , just the fact you came here and wrote it 1 You are doing exactly what You should do . Your recognizing what is going on , you acknowldge you want to deal with it in a healthy way and pray about it and with God and everyone else your going to get thru it and feel ok again .
I just went thru the same thing for two weeks , it felt awful , I felt why is life not running smoothly etc. but really that is my life , real life , those valleys and hills , life will always be like that .The great thing is I know that now deep inside ☺
and yes since thursday evening when all my gal pals came over even though I had a cold , these beautiful people are a gift in my life just as I am for them and when our week, day have been bad we help each other thru .
Colleen you are amazing and yes you are loved very very much ☺
you know how I know , God uses you to share that light , I see that light from you and I only visit your blog ! think how much light those living with you have ☺ lots !
hang in there and lots and lots of hugs to You

Patricia Singleton said...

Take a deep breath. You are loved. Wrap your arms around yourself and feel the love from yourself and from God.

Colleen said...

Rox, thank you so much. I needed that. and thanks for your hugs!

Patricia, I needed your words of comfort too. They helped me a lot this morning. Thank you.

Marj aka Thriver said...

Wow, Colleen, I can so relate to this. This has happened to me many times as well. I'm sorry you got triggered.

I hope you know that you are loved, it's not your fault, and you don't have to be responsible for everything. I know that those things are easier said than done, however, too. Sending safe hugs ((((((((Colleen))))))))

Colleen said...

Marj, thank you. I needed those hugs!

rox said...

Colleen I've been thinking of you & praying hope all is going well .
I hope your talk at the parish went ok too ☺
it is a blessing you stand up and witness be His proof how much we are loved and can get thru all things with & in Him even horrific abuse .
Thanks Colleen

lov rox

Colleen said...

Rox, thank you for your prayers and kindness. My talk did go well which is probably due to prayers like yours. God bless!

Connie Arnold said...

It's when we take our focus off God and onto ourselves that these things happen. Praying you feel God's love surrounding you along with the hugs of your friends!

Colleen said...

Connie, thank you for your prayer! Very beautiful!

Patricia Singleton said...

Sending you (((hugs))) today and prayers that you are doing better.

Colleen said...

Patricia, thank you for the hugs!

Just Be Real said...

((((Colleen))))) Here listening.

Colleen said...

JBR, thank you ! You are always a good listener!