Saturday, April 23, 2011

An Obstacle to Healing

Just when you think people finally "get it," someone comes along and reminds you that you still have a long way to go.
I have this strong call to educate people on child sexual abuse and the long term effects of the abuse on the victim/survivor. And when I think a particular group is ready, I go for it.
To see them back up in fear, to see them shake their heads like I am out of line, to hear them quickly change the subject, only serves to hurt me and perpetuate the effects on me. 
That feeling of not being heard.
That feeling of not being worthy enough.
That feeling of being dismissed.
Why do people keep doing that?
Supposedly smart people are ignorant when it comes to this subject. The worst part? They don't know it. To me, that is more dangerous than the ones who know they don't know.
For those who really care, not just with lip service, but know they do not know, please read this older post of mine on how to help a survivor. It may help you to help someone who hurts so much but never tells you.
For other survivors, if you have anything to add to this list, please let me know by commenting on this blog post!

13 comments:

rox said...

Oh Colleen , me too , me too !
I've no idea why but this almost always happens worse during lenten season for me !
It is so hard when yes the supposed well educated are supposed to have intelliegence , yet they do have fear , just like anyone else . I guess I come in to it with expectation I will be listened to , I will be believed and then bam smack in the face , nope. It is kind of like how supposed educated beleive that the well off or people in positions of trust & authority could not be an abuser .
I've been persecuted a lot this lent for being not just someone who educates and being unbelieved but also hated just because I'm catholic .It is strange and wierd .
Mother Teresa really helped me this lent to learn how to respond to hate with love . when people are arrogant , ignorant and hateful respond with love.
Mother Teresa then reminded me Jesus was the ultimare person who was unbelieved and He chose not to be victim , he forgave .
However I also realized that once again God is asking me to say goodbye to hate felt people , to pray for them yes, to care about them yes, but not to stay and put up with persecution . It is okay and not bad to say goodbye and move on.
I'm reading surviving in an angry world by Charles Stanley and although not a catholic he really speaks to me so much and this book is so awesome and I am encouraged to have that new beginning with Jesus after much conversion this lent .
I struggle with my mother still as she just does not beleive and it hurts then when she believes a hockey player who is famous talk about his abuse in public. I love this guy because he has done so much healing and therapy etc. before public speaking .yet it hurts that , that is what it takes in order for people to believe especially those close to us . I mean that I have talked and educated about the exact same things 5 yrs earlier but I'm just believed or taken seriously because I'm just a , what , a nobody , a house wife , a mum . Honestly I've read as many books , done just as much research as any psycologist I just do not have a degree , just because I chose to stay home did not mean I stopped learning etc.
however I have to remember I also have asked God I not get to big headed either. I want to help the few who are left behind . I wish to touch people to help them know real love etc.
I need to return to balance and have that contentment and just be able to walk away from those who are not getting it at this time .
I'm sorry I don't have any solution except that we are on the right path Colleen , we are meant to keep talking , writing etc. and there are those who do beleive , they are just the few thats all ☺
I truely beleive it is survivors who ultimately will help our church heal, survivors who will be the ultimate protectors of children , and survivors who will be the best of educators regarding sexual abuse .
I know it is coming , we are just ahead Colleen , and it is hard at times to be patient and wait for others to catch up. they just are not ready yet .Just remember He is just so happy you are here now and will be there when people are ready to hear and partake in healing & protection .
look at Jesus not many were ready to beleive only a few He knows where you are at Colleen He really does.

From Tracie said...

I might add, "Listen and don't tell us HOW to heal."

I'm sorry you are going through this frustration right now.

Colleen said...

Rox, oh thank you so so much. I really hear you. You and I are going through some of the same stuff I think. And I agree - it is survivors who will help the church heal and we are definitely meant to keep talking. Thanks for the pep talk! Hugs!

Colleen said...

Tracie - thank you very much for understanding. And I will add your suggestion to the list of how to help a survivor! Thank you!

sarah said...

wanted to stop by and wish you a very happy Easter...."Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there." Clarence W. Hall

So much the same in our lives. Stay strong out there okay.

Colleen said...

Sarah, thank you! Happy Easter to you too! I love that quote! You stay strong too!

Just Be Real said...

Passing through to give you a hug.... ((((Colleen))))

Marj aka Thriver said...

Just stopping by to say hello as I am missing my bloggy buddies and the blogosphere. I hope things are going well for you as you have eased off of this particular blog anyway. Hope you are well. Blessings to you.

Colleen said...

JBR - thank you! I needed a hug!

Marj, thanks for stopping by! I am doing pretty good. I try to blog once a month and visit a few blogs in order to stay in touch. I miss you and some of my other blogging buddies too!

Colleen said...

Colleen, I found you during my entry into the blogosphere yesterday.
I thought, "Whom, who is this other Colleen posting as Colleen on Catholic blog sites."
Shortly after hitting your site, reading your post and how to help survivors, I downloaded Kindle, and then your book and just finished reading it. I could not bring myself to break from reading it other than what I had to do. So sorry for your abuse. So proud of you finding grace, and finding your voice. I had my eyes opened to child abuse when I sat on grand jury 9 years ago. I had no idea the reported crime was being brought for indictment at same frequency in our county as theft. It blew me away, especially because it didn't take much for me to think what about all the kids that are not being noticed and not being asked the questions that led to these charges to be brought forward? That was before the scandal broke. I was mad then that this was never mentioned at church. At the time the only one talking about child sexual abuse was Oprah.
Your book touched me deeply, and not only because you helped me understand the deep wound you experienced and contend with until Jesus wipes away every tear. It helped me understand more for those that suffer child sexual abuse, especially incestual sexual abuse (and I am crying writing this) and also more the meditation you had seeing Jesus off to the side in your room crying . . . and your realization even when you were feeling just as Jesus felt in his abandonment on the cross that God wasn't there, that he was. I will remember your intentions the next time I am in front of the Blessed Sacrament, and also when I am riding to pick up my kids today, since that will occur in about 30 minutes.

Colleen said...

Colleen,
Seems funny to be addressing this to another Colleen! I do not know many Colleens. Do you?
Thank you so much for your beautiful comment. Thank you for buying my book and supporting me in that way as well.
I am glad to know my story moved you and I am so grateful to hear from you. You are helping me to keep at it - to educate others about child sexual abuse. We have to stop hiding it away.
Thank you most of all for praying for me. God bless!

Colleen said...

Now that I know you that makes 4 counting myself. There is one mom of son in my son's class whose name is Colleen and we never seem to lose the giggle that comes with calling each other by our same name. It's like time is standing still for our amusement. There in 6th grade now. Maybe by the time the graduate high school it will not be as fun.

Colleen said...

That is unbelievable! My son met another boy in 2nd grade whose mother was Colleen and the boys started a friendship and grew up together!! Still are best friends and they are almost 30 years old!! God-incidence!!